When I told my boss that all I did last night was work out hard at boot camp, he said, "yeah that'll mess you up!"

I like my boss. He's really chill, and friendly. I tell him stuff jokingly. I think everyone does.

He asked how I was this morning, and I told him. I actually woke up feeling really dizzy and it didn't really go away until after a few hours at work. I have had that happen before, but I have no idea why.

Of course I expected him to suspect me being hungover. Obviously I'm not going to tell my boss of a symptom of being hungover, if I was. I wouldn't be on a week day either. I wouldn't be until after Easter, because I haven't had anything alcoholic beverage since before Ash Wednesday.

I did tell him that all I did the night before, instead of going to the piano bar as he suggested, was work out hard at boot camp. He heard that and said "yeah, that'll mess you up!"

LOL. I think it's because HE said it, and him being my boss that it cracks me up.

This Friday...

This is the first day this week that I will not be working out. I started boot camp on Monday and worked out every night since. Last night's was particularly intense and particularly enjoyable.

I really wish I could do boot camp every week forever! It's such a great work out and it's outside, and intense fun. I love the results and I love pushing myself and I love being outside doing those things.

I'll have to go back to the gym in three more weeks and try to have as intense a work out. It's so much harder to do when you don't have a hill, or a track, but a treadmill, and...that's it. Oh well, I've done it before and I'll do it again. I'm capable of designing my own intense work out. I just like when someone else does the thinking for me, and I just do!

I have made it a point to get at least 7.5 hours of sleep a night. I've been doing really well. Last night, I fell asleep with no problem and woke up feeling awake. That's the best feeling, and I've even let it carry over on the weekends. It is definitely helping for my workouts, since after the work outs I could do more! Last night, the group opted to stay longer than the hour. It was well worth the sweat.

Can't wait to see what's next week!

Birthday Festivities.

Last Thursday, despite a sad ending to a great college career for Colt McCoy and a loss to Alabama in the national championship game, I had a great birthday.

I haven't celebrated on my actual birthday, with cake and things, in a long time. It was a nice change of pace and I was glad to be able to have it as a football party.

Saturday night, my family had a little party for me as well. I had a good time just hanging out and we played pictionary! I'm glad we've brought that back at family events. I LOVE that game.

Between Thursday and Saturday, I had my fair share of JUNK! Pizza both times, two VERY good chocolate cakes (one tres leches and the other layered with different chocolate mousse), beer, soda, chips...I gained some weight. I'm so far gone from last summer when I was fit.

After Paris, I will be dedicating myself to regular workouts and fewer calories. ugh...I hate that it's back to this point. I was so comfortable and just maintaining my physique last summer. After St. Maarten, for the three weeks that Chris was around, I didn't work out and wasn't able to fully recover after that. It's been detrimental in more ways than one.

Almost there..

Recovery started while I was still at the party. I had to put the drink down and go be alone for a while until Patrick was done.

Sunday sucked. I slept all day. I threw up a lot. Couldn't really keep anything in until 5pm.

I still feel uneasy, but...I SHOULD be normal again by tomorrow.

Today would be the perfect day to be "sick" though. Rain galore! LOVE IT.

On the plus side this weekend...Micah turned 2! He's so sweet and getting so big. It's amazing to have seen him and Deven grow from babies to talking and walking and everything. WEIRD. I still don't see myself being a parent any time soon. I'm really loving Aunt whose nephews love her.

Just what I needed to hear.

I'm not in a good mood. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm depressed. I'm angry.

What I didn't need to hear was someone asking me if I get enough rest and then saying...

"You're starting to look like me!"

"You're too young to start looking like me!"

I don't think she looks bad, so that can't be a bad thing really, but, it seems as though she thinks she looks like she's been through the ringer.

I'm effing TIRED.

A Night to Remember.

Friday, August 14th, 2009. The night the love of my life got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said yes of course, and am now an ecstatic fiancee! No plans for the wedding yet though. I'd LOVE to marry him as soon as possible. With his assignment in Algeria not over until 2011, it would be sad to get married and then have him leave. So, we're waiting until it's over, and will be married as early as possible in 2012. Yes, I'm sure a few friends will be engaged and married before then. Oh well, I've loved this man for 4 years. We're as good as married in mind, and emotion. We'll have a great wedding, and be happy newlyweds together.

On Friday night, after dinner with his family, on our last night in St. Maarten, we took a long walk on the beach. It was great because we went around a corner we hadn't been to in the daytime, and it was a little creepy at night. We were the only ones on the beach and offshore was dark! I'm used to seeing some kind of ship lights on the horizon, but, this was just cloudy and dark.

After about a half hour walk, we sat down on a bench by the water and just talked a little and spent some time alone. It was quiet, and I spent a lot of time just watching the clear water. Even though it was night, the water was still noticeably blue and clear.

We started walking back toward the villa, but he turned back toward the water, by the shoreline to say goodbye. He then hugged me and asked me if I would be with him forever. I said, yes. I then asked him if he would be with me forever. He jokingly said no. What a kidder. After kissing me like he's never kissed me before, in a moment that seemed so personal, he made a gesture that seemed like we were turning to go. Instead, he got down on one knee while saying "I want to marry you, love". On one knee he asked "Will you marry me, love?" I thought he was practicing. He's asked me before, jokingly, because we've been practically married for ages. It wasn't until he got the ring from his pocket and opened the box and I saw it that I instantly teared up and squeaked "Yes, love!" It was such a perfect proposal. I love that man so much.

I'm still in shock that we're actually engaged! That will by far be the best souvenir of any trip.

I loved seeing every one's expression as I shared the news in person. I did that on purpose. I simply showed the ring and loved the facial expressions, verbal expressions, and emotional responses. It was great.

On Thursday, August 20th, we went to dinner at Post Oak Grill to celebrate. Me, Chris, my brothers, their wives, their kids, Patrick, my roommate and her boyfriend, and my mom. 10 adults and two kids. The experience had very little to be desired as we had a private room, good food, and almost really great service. A few comments the waiter made was off putting.

We were all really excited about how good everything was until early Saturday morning when 6 people started having food poisoning symptoms. Luckily, I didn't eat the BBQ chicken quesadillas that those that got sick ate, otherwise I would have had just as rough a weekend as they did.

What pisses me off is that the restaurant almost denies being the culprit. I just got off the phone with the manager and had to tell him that it's an insane coincidence that 6 out of 10 people that all ate one of the same items, all got sick at the same time with the same symptoms. Yes, it set in a little longer than expected, but, what kind of amazing coincidence is that!

All in all, I DID contact the food borne illness department, I DID receive a butter up gift certificate. I don't know that I'd actually use it! Why would I? At the end of the day, my engagement dinner was marked with food poisoning!

Oh well.......I. Am. ENGAGED!

Broke down.

Yesterday, I woke up tense. Running on the treadmill I felt tense. The whole day my body ached and i was so tense. I got home and just needed to lie down and do nothing. My body hurt, I had chills. I had to combat getting sick with airborne, and emergenC. I also went to bed "early" at 11. Considering I wake up at 7, and I planned on sleeping in until 7:15, I got a lot of sleep.

Today though, my body feels great, but my eyeballs? My eyeballs hurt. I kid you not. I just touched them. ow. If I look to the side. ow. even if I close my eyes tight...ow.

ugh.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be normal.

Pilates tonight for a good stretching work out. Sleep no later than 11:30 tonight. That should do it.

Unhealthy

I've been eating pretty badly for about two weeks now. I haven't even been to the gym in over a week. I haven't had a proper schedule for a while now.

Since my trip to San Francisco, my healthy habits have been inconsistent. I've been to San Antonio and Boston since then and been busy moving around and being unstable to go to the gym.

It definitely shows. The months of consistent hard work are gone and I'll be pretty much back to square one when I start back next week. Well, my overall fitness won't be back to square one, but, my routine will have to start back again. I'll have a slightly different one this time. I'll have a treadmill where I'll be living! That will benefit me a lot.

This past week, in Boston and on the road back to Texas has been crazy, and BAD. I ate horrible crap, didn't exercise, and got a head cold. Sucks! On top of that, I'm just mentally unhealthy at this stupid job and life. I feel as though I'm living in a whirlwind. A lot changed for me in a short period of time and I'm not fully settled. I moved out and Chris left for Algeria in the same week. I just got home on Tuesday but until I start living in the new place, I won't be fully settled. Chris being gone hit me when I was close to home, knowing that the regular texts and conversations won't happen for a while. I'm trying not to be totally sad by it. I have gotten e-mails from him every day and messages so, that helps.

I took yesterday off, despite being in Houston, to get some things done and get ready to be back at work. My week off felt like a month and boy did it feel great. However, hearing about work from Patrick yesterday made my blood pressure go up and made me just hate that I had to be here today.

I'm trying my best to be unproductive.

!@(*&$)*&@#!_)*(

Today has been sucky so far. The Boss Lady is busy with something and can't help with the work load. That's fine. It's good for her to be occupied on one thing. She'll see the work load and complain about how no one is taking anything. We're working our little fingers to a bloody stump.

When it's this busy at work, I justify my head spinning off with eating badly. I just stress ate a teeny, fun sized twix! I HAD TO! I HAAAAAAAAD TO!

If I didn't, I would be cussing more. More of my hair would be grey. I'd threaten quitting.

If I didn't, I'd be skinnier. I wouldn't be stressed about my weight (see last post).

It's a sucky cycle that my brain is stupid about.

Hard Hit.

25 has hit me hard. I've noticed my skin not being supple and looks horrible. I should have listened to my mom on that one. What's worse, I've noticed just how thin my hair really is. I have been losing A LOT of hair. It's really bad and I'm considering medication.

Before I do go to the doctor, I will try cutting my hair. Two years ago I was able to donate 8 inches of hair to locks of love. It looks like I'm heading back in that direction.

A short bob. I HAVE to start wearing my hair down to keep my hair from constantly being pulled and weakened at the front. For 25 years I've pulled my hair back and it's not good!

I'm so pissed too!

Connoisseur

I don't consider myself a coffee addict. Yes, I drink coffee, almost every day. I'm trying not to though. Despite drinking coffee every day, it is usually half a cup of actual coffee, or an espresso drink. Ounce for ounce, the espresso is less and probably means I consume less caffeine per drink.

It started in high school where going to Starbucks was the cool thing to do and to get a frappuccino. For years, even in college, my coffee intake was in the form of a highly sugary drink. I never wanted to become like my mom who could drink coffee at 11pm and be asleep by 11:10pm. That's why I stayed away from the "real" coffee. The kind from a pot.

I did that until I started a job where I worked 12 hours a day, 7 days a week sometimes during the day, and sometimes during the night. Part of that job also required 3 months of classroom training. That would be 8 hours, in a classroom, for 3 months. Can anyone really stay in the same room, learning stuff for 8 hours straight, from the same instructor, without feeling like crashing to the floor? Well, that's when I started needing the stuff from the coffee pot. The free coffee pot. Since then, I've been more into that cheapy kind, with powder creamer and splenda than the straight black, punch to the head kind.

I've noticed that if I do drink strong coffee, I tend to get more tired, see bright spots and lose my feeling of equilibrium. It's not a good idea. I also can't drink coffee after 12pm during the week because I tend to not be able to sleep. Yeah, coffee affects me that way. Well, caffeine affects me that way.

Thus, I am not a coffee drinker. I'm saying this as I sip my free watered down coffee from the break room. YUMMO!

Gullible.

I don't doubt the optometrist knows what he's doing, but, I only complained of blurriness at night when reading street signs. I can see. I can even see the signs when I'm getting closer and they're only blurry from far away.

He said I have mild nearsightedness and gave me a weak prescription to make things sharper. The thing is, I don't really know why I have glasses now. I don't think I really needed them...yet. Maybe some day down the road. I think that is inevitable.

I did always want glasses growing up. I didn't think I would get them this early. I know they're only a weak prescription, to where I don't even feel like I need to wear them, but, I do have them.

When I was younger I wanted glasses, braces, and a cast. I got one out of the three. I really hope I don't get the other two.

That Feeling.

I feel good about my body again. It took a few years, but, I'm back to where I wanted to be. I'm back to where I feel comfortable in my skin and my clothes. I'm back to where I was when Chris and I first started dating. I'm back to a good work out routine.

It took about two years to do it, but, I'm 20 lbs lighter. I'm finally rid of what Baker Hughes did to me. As long as I don't have that kind of job again, I should be fine. I have a schedule and I can work out as much as I'd like and eat what's good for me.

I'm moving out of my parents' house very soon. I finally feel like I'm getting settled down. It's about time! If only Chris wasn't the factor that's not put in place yet. He won't be in Houston for 2.5 years! THAT is the last piece to me being comfortable with life...I think.

Back to the Grind.

Last week was abnormal. April Fool's was a bitch. Eating properly was thrown out the window. At least Deven and my brother and his wife were in town.

I took a Tuesday off to pick up my brother and his family from the airport and looked at apartments with them. They ended up finding one that day, and it was PERFECT. I am so jealous that they will be living there, next to the park in the Museum District, close to the Medical Centre. The apartment itself is amazing. I'm glad I'll be spending a lot of time there when they move in June.

Wednesday, I got good and bad news. The good news, my friend is moving to Houston and I think I'll be living with her. The bad news involves Chris. I'm not even going to say what it is. It sucks though!

I ate too much junk and too much, period. The scale was not kind this morning. I guess that's my fault. However, after my two plus hour workout yesterday that involved the gym and being outside in the PERFECT weather, I have begun my regular week again. Tonight, football. Gym the rest of the week. Eat at my regular schedules, small portions.

Ughhhh...why does my body hate me?

These Are My Confessions.

I had a few licks of frosting from a cupcake on Tuesday. I also had three quarters of a biscuit from KFC on Tuesday. I don't even like biscuits that much but oh man. Of course, I felt like I was cheating, and even one bite was cheating, but, I couldn't bring myself to finish it. I even put a cup over the cupcake so that I could eat it on Wednesday.

Oh how I indulged yesterday. Of course I woke up too late to get coffee, but, I had my cupcake. MmMm. A cupcake as a mid morning snack is NOT recommended but...I was just indulging. IT WAS SO GOOD! Chocolate on chocolate. For lunch, I had only half of my meal. I put the other half away for later before I even started eating. It was so good, but so bad for me! To make things worse, my friend offered more cupcakes. Since I was taking full advantage of my new freedom, I had another cupcake. That one was not nearly as enjoyable, but not because it didn't taste good. I just felt so guilty and gross while eating it. Instead of pizza for dinner like I anticipated, I ate my left overs around 5pm, went to the mall and around 830 had a protein shake then hit the gym.

The scale made me disappointed in myself this morning. That's alright, I'm off to the gym again tonight, and I know I'll be working out in Austin on Saturday. No worries. I just had to get the cupcakes out of my system.

I got my coffee today, and it was such a disappointment. Not only did I not feel like drinking it, I feel horrible right now. I'm dizzy. I've felt like this before usually after having coffee. Grr...I can do without coffee in my life and I'm sure my body could do with out the extra facility of storing fat. I think I'll stick to tea from now own. GREEN tea or black every once in a while.

Day 21.

Weight: 140.2 pounds. Goal reached. Body fat, MUCH lower, on the lower range of normal for my age, and height. Chris owes me a pair of 200 dollar jeans!

Today is the last day! Hooray. I'm so glad that I reached my goal. I did exactly what I set out to do. The eating helped a LOT. Not including today, I worked out 12 days over the entire 21 day program. Since I plan on working out tonight, it will be 13.

Now, I have to maintain by keeping up my eating schedule and watching my portions. Drinking 3 litres of water a day. Make sure I eat enough protein. Less alcohol and coffee. I did the alcohol just fine before, but coffee...will be harder since I crave it like I do chocolate. It's not that I have to have it, I just like the taste of a creamy, sweet cup of cafe.

Day 20.

Weight: 141.4 lbs

I cannot believe that tomorrow is the last day. 21 days have flown by, thankfully. I can't wait for coffee and all the goodies I have been craving so badly for three weeks now.

This past week has been really miserable. I've gotten sick of eating the same food over and over. While it doesn't taste bad, eating it again and again just made it unappetizing. It became so annoying to me that I literally had to force myself to swallow then gag.

I know I'm making out to be worse than it actually is. It really wasn't THAT bad. I just never looked forward to eating the food after the first week. I've started "snacking" on other things besides the food I'm supposed to eat. The first week, I was dead set on eating ONLY my food, not even a bite of anything else. That spiraled down after I had to eat dinner in San Antonio. I didn't eat meals of anything different, but I would have like a handful of popcorn. A chip with dip, or very small pieces of chips just touched with dip. I've had some decaf tea with honey, just spoonfuls of it.

My reason for "snacking" like that is because I'm satisfied with my progress. I am just 1.4 lbs away from my overall goal weight. I even bought a new scale yesterday after the old one told me I was about 4 pounds heavier than I was on Friday morning. I knew that couldn't be right. After getting on the new scale, not only was I lighter but I was pleasantly surprised at my body fat percent. It was MUCH lower than previously reported. That alone was my goal and having achieved that, I feel comfortable having a chip during my diet. But shhh...I'm not going to tell the nutritionist!

Day 15.

Weight: 142 pounds.

I cannot wait until next Wednesday. The latest on my things to make and eat, besides chocolate cake, and onion strings, is pots de creme. Unfortunately for me, Chris cannot eat sweets until Lent is over. Therefore, because I love him and because he will enjoy the cake and pots de creme as much as I would, and because I intended on making it for him in the first place (and me of course), I'll wait until after easter to make the sweets. BEFORE Easter, anything savoury goes!

Yumm, yum.

I thought 21 days would last forever. And...it has. It's not even over. I have less than 10 days now though. I. Can. Do. It!

Happy Joy.

Three days off was glorious. WHY can't Halliburton suck it up and give us 980! Stupid cheap asses.

I really do wish I could have slept in longer on Friday though. The Orkin man was due and so was Andrea, so, being the responsible adult I was, I got up at 9:30.

I had a cheat meal with Andrea. I knew I was going to have it since I got on the plan and looked forward to it so much. I even dreamt of what I'd get. I got a tamale and an enchilada with rice. The portion I was allowed to eat was more than enough to make me do my, "I'm eating something delicious and I'm perfectly content", dance.

My dinner for Friday and Saturday night were not packed. Now, being the rule follower that I am, I made sure that what I ate on Friday night would not be a no no to the plan. I had edamamme and a protein shake. Not that balanced but, no carbs, all protein. It's what one should have after 7pm.

Anyway, Saturday was another story. I knew I'd have to find something to eat as well. I went to sleep Friday dreaming of a salad. YES, I was looking forward to a salad. I knew it wouldn't be a no no in the plan book. I planned on having mixed greens including baby spinach. Shredded carrots, tomatoes, Greek peppers. Table spoon of olive oil, black pepper, and apple cider vinegar. Protein of some kind. It would have been great! Too bad I didn't get the time to buy the ingredients before getting back to the house where guests already started to arrive for the birthday party. I was in San Antonio for a birthday party and planned to eat my little salad while people indulged in their goodies.

There was shrimp, salmon, chicken, rice, pasta, fruit and the ULTIMATE, what dreams are made of, chocolate cake with chocolate icing. MY GOODNESS. I literally crave chocolate cakes like that. Usually if I get chocolate cake somewhere, it never meets my expectations. That cake, the birthday cake, was IT. Do you KNOW how annoyed I was just then that was on a stupid diet? It wasn't bad enough that I had to schlep my food around wherever I went, or that I had to make sure I ate on time, therefore limiting what social activities I could do. I was missing out on the best looking cake I had seen in a while.

What I ate: two shrimp, salmon, two spears of asparagus, two baby corn, a fork full of rice, a fork full of pasta, a strawberry, to cubes of pineapple. Oh yeah, I convinced Chris to give me less than a bite of cake.

I felt so guilty. I had actually broken the "contract" I agreed to when signing up for the plan. Not only did I not eat a proper meal, even though I ate a very small amount, I didn't follow any rules that cheating allows. I didn't use black pepper. I didn't take two fiber pills with 12oz of water before. I most certainly wasn't eating it for lunch. Ugh...that sucked.

I followed up my "cheat" meal with a 4.5 mile walk/jog through the hilly neighbourhood. I don't feel so bad now.

I'm a Lame Head.

I thought I was taking next Friday off to see Andrea. It turns out she reminded me this morning that she'll be here TOMORROW. YAY. Today is like Friday for me and I didn't even know it when I woke up this morning.

It's nice. It allows me to not work hard this afternoon because I can't leave something unresolved until Monday.

It also means that instead of waiting until next week, I get to have the one and only "cheat" meal on my meal plan. I'm allowed one a week, but decided I didn't need to cheat, mainly because I don't go out to lunch during the week anyway so it would be useless. When I realized I was taking a day off to hang out with Andrea, I knew I'd be cheating.

We're going to Lupe Tortilla and I am dreaming of what I want to have. What is the WORST thing on the menu that I can have. I have to have a small portion of it, but...I want it to be worth it! muahahahaha.